Not only was it a full week, it was an awesome week. Awesome! Do you hear me? Well, it wasn’t that awesome, but I feel so enthusiastic that I will … not … compromise … at all … until now. Whew. Let me take a deep breath. Although my enthusiasm is now being restrained by two burly orderlies, my sincerity remains. I really liked these things I am about to tell you about. I really did. In some sense, they are the best, the best in rock(s) and bikes. Specifically, they are the best of the things that I wish to write about:
- I like to stack rocks. Doesn’t everyone? My 6 year old neighbor is a future star stacker. He stacks them in the downspout, on my car, and on the steps. Everywhere. So I’m sure that in 20 years he, like Michael Grab, will have his own website. Rather than wait 20 years, let’s look at a real site by a real rock stacker creating real rock stacking art., by the aforementioned Michael Grab. Although there are many varieties of rock stacking art, let me tell you in my most authoritative-sounding voice (perhaps, imitating John Cleese), that these are orbs, constructed of rocks stacked upon each other without the aid of fasteners, adhesives, or surreptitious helpers. At no extra cost, you can see where I live, if you magically see through the lower right supporting rock (that’s me waving).
- At long last, there is one fewer problem in the world. It’s been solved. Until recently, what would you do you’re out riding your mountain and encounter a fallen tree blocking the trail? Once upon a time you’d just ride over it, maybe fall and lose some teeth, or just get off your bike and step over. That problem is in the past. You can own a bicycle equipped with a mount suitable for a chain saw as well as fuel (between pedals and tire), a shovel, various other tools, and a six pack of beer in order to more effectively put your fingers at risk. If you don’t like the bike, know that my brother-in-law lusts after it and, I admit, I really admire the creativity. Besides, it was made not far from where I
enthusiasticallycalmly type away, so it’s about jobs, too, perhaps those of the enthusiastic cold people standing around it. People who might be my neighbors.
Alright, since you asked, I’ll show you the bike I really want to own. It’s got giant tires for riding in snow, It’s got pretty, swoopy lines, and it’s made out of titanium in case there’s a need for emergency aerospace repairs. If I needed to haul a short snake on a stretcher, it looks like it’d work for that, too. As a special bonus, the tires are labeled with one of my favorite rock bands, and are large enough to cross streams or lakes without fear of drowning (unless you fall). Finally, the bike is already proven capable at posing for display in natural history museums alongside stuffed bears and/or mountain lions.
As a tangent, I noticed that during the past week someone attempted to translate some of my babbling into Italian. Trust me when I say this: what I write is just as incoherent in the language it’s written in. Don’t blame the software!
So, now that I’ve identified the appropriate accessory for mountain lion posing, I have to go don my bear suit and evade the stern but gentle folk who are subtly suppressing my enthusiasm.